And that’s what you get for falling again
You can never get him out of your head
...::Later that night::...
“But why, Keiko?! I just don’t understand!” I yelled, as a tear ran down my cheek.
“You still love him... don’t you?” She asked me giving me a pitiful look.
“I-I don’t know. I mean... I know I should hate him, but I just can’t stop thinking about him! Is that so wrong?” I asked her desperately. If anyone could help me with this, it’s Keiko. That’s why I’ve been avoiding the rest of the Tantei, I know I would end up spilling it all to them.
“No Botan, it’s not wrong. When Yusuke left, I was so angry and lonely. And yet, I couldn’t help but still love him.”
And that’s what you get for falling again
You can never get him out your head
“Yes Keiko, I know that. And it’s very similar to my situation. But there is one huge difference,” I told her and looked out her window, feeling a whole new barrage of tears coming. That man, the man I love, has completely broken me down into nothing.
“What is it?” She asked me curiously, still thinking about it.
“Yusuke still loved you when he left. All I’ve known and come to care for about Hiei, was a lie,” I keep asking myself why... I still haven’t gotten an answer yet.
“Botan, I think you need to be alone for a little while, I’m going to go make us some dinner, okay?”
“Alright Keiko. Thanks, you're such a doll,” I said and forced a smile at her. I think she saw right through it though, because she frowned at me before she left. I never was a good actor.
Now, back to the matters at hand. Why did I go back to the area of the park? Was it from instinct? I mean, on all my breaks from ferrying people I went to visit him there, so I guess it’s possible, but I think it goes down deeper than instinct...
It’s the way that he makes you feel
It’s the way that he kisses you
It’s the way that he makes you fall in love
It’s quite funny actually, I adored him so much, I imagined having a family with him. I even went so far as to ask Koenma if it was possible for a ferry girl to get pregnant.Now that was embarrassing! That was when he found out about me and Hiei.
Koenma-sama wasn’t very happy about it, but he said that at least Hiei was strong and would be able to protect me. Turns out, he didn’t protect me. He didn’t protect me from a broken heart... because he’s the one who caused it.
It’s like I’m obsessed... he’s all I can think about! All the times we had together, why he wouldfool me like that, all of it!
He would call me a baka onna for thinking about all of this, but he would mean it this time. Before, it was just some simple nickname, if you could call it that. Almost an endearment you could say. Now, he would truly mean it when he called me a baka onna.
...::After dinner::...
It’s the way that he makes you feel
It’s the way that he kisses you
It’s the way that he makes you fall in love... love...
After dinner I have decided to walk around town again. Keiko had protested, saying what happened earlier could happen again. She only let me go because I promised her I wouldn’t go anywhere near the park.
Right now I happen to be walking by the movie theatres. Seems I’m about to cry again. That’s been happening a lot lately, and I don’t like it. Sooner or later I’m going to cry myself dry. ...Back to the reason I’m about to cry.
I see a couple on the bench outside... kissing. So lovingly, without a care in the world. I-I want that. I had it, really I did. It was taken away from me in just one second, too. I’m pining to feel his lips cover mine again...
I need to get out of here! I need to run away from the love that is radiating off of the couple on the bench. It’s nearly taken over my spiritual senses now. I c-can’t handle this! I want to be like that again so badly!
(Hiei’s POV)
Why did I tell the onna to leave? I should have slit her throat right then and there. Hn. Baka onna. Made me soft... wait. This makes no sense. I hate the onna, and here I am saying she made me soft.
No. It’s not possible. It was a slip. A complete and total slip. It meant nothing.
Pretty girl...
Hn. I still don’t understand why I let her leave.
...::Flashback::...
“You can’t tell me what to do you arrogant, lying, baka, jerk of a disgusting demon!”
That ditz! I can’t believe she just said that... why do I feel so... aroused? I can feel my eye twitching, but from what? Certainly not from anger... I always did like when she stood up for herself. It... no. It did not make me swell with pride! She needs to leave. Before she ruins everything!
“Onna. I suggest you run before my katana comes in contact with your neck.” I growled at her. She looked at me, eyes filled with fear. I could practically hear my heart clenching at the though of her being afraid of me. What is this madness?!
...::End Flashback::...
Pretty girl...
Could the onna have- ...no. I feel nothing. No remorse, no regret, no emptiness. Nothing.
If that is true, why do I think about her night and day? Maybe it’s from all that time we spent together, that I became used to her being around, and her cheerfulness. I became accustomed to it, like a bad habit. And now I just feel alone, because... I don’t know.
Mukuro told me to stop playing with the onna’s heart. That she wouldn’t even wish that on her worst enemy. Even if it meant no more information. I protested, saying that we need the information. But do we really? Was I using it as a cover up? But how could this happen?!
When Mukuro told me to get information about Reikai, why did I pick the onna as my source? Why did I even choose loving her as a way to get the information.
Pretty girl is suffering while he confesses everything
I just admitted to loving her... I’ve been lying to myself all this time! How could I not have noticed?! Even though I fooled myself into thinking that it was all for the information... it wasn’t.
I feel empty because... I miss her. I actually miss the onna. Her smile, and her soft lips. This is so stupid. Me in love. How idiotic. Baka onna, really did make me soft.
Hn. It doesn’t matter anyway. I’ve already chased her away. Just as I do everybody else in my life. I sighed and decided I should go back to sleep. I will ponder on this matter later.
(Botan’s POV)
Pretty soon she’ll figure out
You can never get him out of your head
Here again? I’m at the park... well not where I was earlier, but at the park nonetheless.
I couldn’t stand it by that movie theatre anymore, I envied that couple so much, so much that I would do anything to get back what I had with Hiei. But I need to get over him. I can’t stand being like this anymore! So... angry, sad, and finally broken-hearted.
All his fault. All his fault. He’s why I feel this way. Humph. I’m starting to sound like a crazy again. I guess that’s what happens when you’re ripped to pieces. I sighed and started walking around again. Such pretty flowers they have here...
There he is... in the tree. Oh god no. Why is he so convieniantly wherever I go in the park?! Fate is cruel. I think I woke him up when I came to a sudden stop, because he seems to be stirring. This is bad. Real bad.
It’s the way that he makes you cry
He just opened his eyes, focusing them. I’m like a freaking dear in the headlights! I can’t move! It’s as if I’m glued to this spot. As I see his eyes stop on me, I feel my own start to water again. I still can’t comprehend why he used me like that! He must have a better reason than information!
There were so many more ways than through me to get that stupid information. The information that ruined my life! ...Ha. How nice. If I had a life! There I go being all negative again. I really wish I could stop doing that. And I wish he would stop staring at me... it’s like I don’t even know Hiei anymore!
It’s the way that he’s in your mind
I-I remember when we used to be like that couple at the movie theatre. Or when I used to be like them, Hiei was just faking it as he said before.
The thought of us together... it’s taking over my thoughts. I’m living in a nightmare. Its like a god darned never ending dream! These thoughts are non-stop! Why can’t I stop them? Why can’t I stop these tears?! I can feel them slowly dripping down... I thought I ridded myself of those annoying droplets that make my eyes and heart itch. I was wrong. Again.
It’s the way he makes you fall in love
“Onna,” he said, looking me straight in the eye. No... how did I not notice?! His Jagan was glowing this whole time! He was reading my mind! God I feel stupid.
I can imagine him now. Calling me a fool and a baka, that he never loved me in the first place. As I’ve said before, he’s all I can think about, this situation has played over and over in my mind enough for me to know all of the outcomes. And none of them were good.
Why is he still staring at me?! He hasn’t blinked once! ...I probably haven’t either, but that doesn’t count! I still love him, he hates me, so I’m allowed to stare. He’s not. Those beady red eyes of his.
It’s the way that he makes you feel
Oh he makes me so angry! How could he push this fate on me?! That jerk! I never did anything wrong to him!
Hey... finally he looked away! ...Um, where did he go? He fissioned away! Am I that repulsive to him?!
“I’m behind you ferry onna.”
Quickly, I turned around. And there he was. In all his glory.
“Hiei,” I breathed out. I sounded so needy! Who knows, I probably do need him. I can’t think about anything else, so I’m guessing I go in the needy category. Grreeeaaattttt.
“Hn. I need to talk to you,” He just said that right? Right? What in the world does he need to talk to me about? There’s nothing else to say! Unless he feels the need to completely turn what’s left of the little pride I have into rubble.
“I don’t want to talk to you,” I said nastily and turned in whatever direction was away from Hiei and started walking that way.
“Wait... please. I want to talk onna,” Did he just say please? I gulped. He has never said please to me. Ever. This must be important. But if it is... do I really want to hear it?
“I know that I told you it was all a lie. Well it was a lie... until I actually had some time to think about it.”
No. This is another one of his ways to make me feel horrible.
“And after I thought about it, it still was a lie. But not to you. To myself. Because I picked you to get information for a whole other reason.”
And that is supposed to make me feel better?
“The other reason is...” Hiei started trailing off. He seems nervous... wow. Hiei nervous? Has hell frozen over without me noticing?
“It’s... because I really do love you okay?!”
Tears started to well up in my eyes again. But this time, not from sadness or depression. This is what I have been dreaming about for two weeks.
Then my heart started to fill up with dread again. What if this is another one of his lies? This is Hiei, anti-social, non-caring, Hiei.
“How am I supposed to b-believe you? For all I know, you could be trying to get more info for Mukuro or something.”
It’s the way that he kisses you
He slowly walked up to me, not taking his eyes off of me once. I could hear my heart start to beat faster. He’s making me nervous...
“Because, like I said before. I really do love you,” Hiei told me and brought his lips to mine, once again. I’ve pined for this feeling for so long. His lips crushing mine. It feels so good... If this is a dream, I will seriously go crazy. Fate can’t be as cruel as to make this a dream, right?
His tongue skimmed my bottom lip, asking for entrance. Of course I complied. Who in their right mind wouldn’t? His tongue slid over mine, making me moan in pleasure. His hand went to the small of my back as mine went to his hair.
Suddenly, he pulled away and looked into my eyes, just as he did the first time we kissed.
“Do you trust me?” he asked me out of nowhere. But, I’m not sure... he hurt me so badly.
“I-I don’t k-know if I ca-" I started, but he cut me off.
“Do you, or do you not, trust me?”
I do. I don’t understand how I would ever be able to trust him again, but I do. It’s in his eyes... there’s no way he can be lying to me.
“I do,” For the first time ever, he smiled. I think I could faint on the spot... but I won’t. Just so I can look at that beautiful smile etched on his lips. I smiled back at him and kissed his cheek. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me on the lips as I turned my head away from his cheek.
He suddenly picked me up bridal style and walked away from this clearing to another area of the park, wherever that is.
“Um, where are we going?” I ask him some-what awkwardly. It’s been so long since I’ve been in his arms, that the feeling is foreign. But... I’m content. And this is all I can ever ask for. Even if I do doubt that I will ever get over the heartbreak he gave me these last few weeks, this is a great way to start over.
“Hn. Look ahead,” I did as instructed, and saw the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen infront of me.
“Oh my- ...wow.” In front of me was a field... full of fireflies. Lights flickering on and off everywhere. It looked as if there were fireworks all over, except in yellow. Only, I’d rather look at something else... or rather, someone.
“I love you, Hiei. And don’t you ever put me through anything like that ever again!”
“I love you too, onna.” He replied and plopped down onto the ground, with me cradled in his arms.
It’s the way that he makes you fall in love
((Fin))